Seis! Sel! Sita! Roku! Yasu! Six!

6 Years?! 

Seems that it was just yesterday when we exchange "I do's" at the altar. True enough, it is a roller coaster ride of emotions and all.

I know that for most of the married person (especially those who have been married longer), 6 years is just the beginning. A lot more things will still happen. 

Truly, everyday or shall I say every fight is part of the learning process. Learning to forgive, forget and move on.  And so, let me share to you the six things that I've learned in my 6 years of marriage.

#1 - "Ang pag-aasawa ay hindi parang kanin na mainit na kapag isinubo mo at napaso ka ay pwede mong iluwa." (Marriage isn't like eating rice, spitting it out the moment you realize that it is very hot.)

Yes, marriage should not be taken lightly. 

When I get married to Reggie, I thought that my life, our life will be like a story in a fairy tale. I am Cinderella and he is Prince Charming. That after all the odds that we went through, here we are and we are to live happily ever after.

Oh how easily we decided to get married, that one day, it just happened and then the story goes. But "THE END" is not yet written because little did I know that our life story will just start from there. 

Since we didn't have long time to know each other, pray for each other and prepare ourselves for marriage, we struggle. Suddenly, I realize that it's not that easy to write my "happily ever after". Seldom small fights led to bigger frequent ones not realizing that we are slowly loosing the romance in our relationship. I've never been so angry in my life and that goes with my husband too. We are loosing our temper easily and shouting at each other became a norm during fights. I want to give up. He wants to give up. We never realize that what we are painting is a picture of a lonely/ungodly family.  

While giving up could be an easier option or is it? The bible says, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2-3)

With that in mind I know that it is God working on both of us. Shaping us to become a husband/wife that we are designed to be. And so instead of focusing in giving up, we tried on focusing on God's will and perfect plan for our marriage.

Let me quote what Dave Willis says, "Great marriages don't happen by luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect and a solid commitment between husband and wife." 

#2 - Forgive and forget.

How many times did I forgive my husband and him to me. Countless. But forgiveness should not end there. I also learn that it is essential that when I forgive, I should forget and not condemn my husband from his past mistakes. This also keeps me from building up hatred that results to being cold to my husband. 

Forgiveness in the bible is found in Matthew 6:14 -15 (ESV), "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive  your trespasses."

I've learned that unresolved conflicts between me and Reggie hinders both of us in serving and worshiping God. Because of guilt in our hearts, it became very hard for both of us to do our ministry. We are both discouraged and often questioned each others faith. 

Forgiveness is essential in marriage. If you cannot forgive, do not get married. Because this is the question that you will have to face everyday " Will I forgive him/her or no?"

#3 - Family is the priority.

While God is number 1 in my list, my husband and kids is next.

Don't get me wrong! This does not mean that I will neglect fellowship, ministry and other activities in my life. It only means that I should spend quality time with my husband and kids; and yes of course, proper time management.

But I cannot deny the fact that being a wife, mother, employee, ministry worker is too much for me to handle. Oftentimes, prayer and right judgement on what to prioritize first helps. 

And so I always tell to myself, "I don't want to be successful in other areas of my life and see my marriage fail and my kids unhappy". Because I believe that when the Lord sees that I have been faithful with the family that He entrusted to me, He will bless me and entrust me with more.

Kinda familiar huh?! Remember the Parable of Talents in Matthew 25:14-30?

#4 - As a wife, I am to submit to my husband.

Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit yourselves to your own husband as you do to the Lord.

I struggled and is still struggling. 

I know that in the same chapter, the Lord also command husbands on how they are to treat their wives (Ephesians 5:25-27) but that is not the point. In fact it would be too much for me to think of what my husband should do. And so as I focus on what God commands us wives; it may look very simple, SUBMIT! Is it?

Why do I struggle?

Perhaps, my husbands decision are always wrong, I am always right.

He doesn't know how to handle the kids, he is wrong and I am right again.

He is so strict, he doesn't know how to care for his wife and I do. 

You see, I am blinded. I thought that I am more intelligent and "all-knowing"than my husband. That maybe my husband should submit not I. While I am perfectly ruining God's design for marriage and becoming disrespectful to my husband, I also became blinded and busy attending my ego forgetting that it is not my husband that I am disobeying but God. That it is not him who commanded me to submit but the Lord.

I thought that I am intelligent when all I can do is simply disobey the single thing the Lord wants me to do in terms of treating my husband. 

God commands wives to submit not because of who and what we have become, but because that is his design. There should only be one head in the body otherwise there will be confusion. 

I cannot deny the fact that I am a work in progress. But I trust the Lord that when He blesses Reggie to be my husband, He also equip Him to be the head of my family. 

Honestly, I really think that He is doing good job! Truly, my God is Awesome!

#5 Learn to shut your mouth which is often necessary.

Sometimes my opinion doesn't matter even if I think that it is. Sharing each others opinion during conflict doesn't help. One has to learn to just keep quite and wait for the other to do the same. 

Marriage is not about who is right or wrong. Marriage is about acceptance, understanding and mirroring God's image in each other (learned from one of our seminars). 

And sometimes, the word "SORRY" is enough. 

#6 Marriage is not only about 2 people; it is about Husband-God-Wife

This is the one thing that most married people forgets. I believe that married couple who never forgets to include God in their marriage the happiest and successful. 

In 6 years (only) I cannot deny the number of times I felt like quitting my marriage. But I am confident that it is because of God's love that I was able to disregard my emotion and deciding to love my husband. 

Love is not a function of emotion. It is a decision. A decision to love no matter what happens. The kind of perfect love that the Lord showed to us on the cross is the kind of love that He also wants us to give to our husband. 

And if I struggle to understand my husband, I will just have to remind myself of what 1 Corinthian 13:4-7 says about love.

Unending.

Eternal.

**Photos are taken during our anniversary celebration at Al Naseem, Jumeirah Hotels